Senility Prayer

[Graybeard]

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell
the difference. Now that I'm 'older' ( but refuse to grow up ) , here's what  I've discovered:

1.   I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2.   My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3.   I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4.   Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
4.   Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5.   If all is not lost, where is it?
6.   It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
7.   The only time the world beats a path to your door is when
      you're in the bathroom.
8.   If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on
      my  knees.
9.   It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.
10.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
      hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what    I'm here after.

[Mikey]

What was that?

[Charlie Detroit]

Up in this neck o' the woods, it's:
"Ach! Zu soon oldt und zu late schmardt!"

[Conan The Librarian]

Bump. Oldie but goodie.

[powderman]

I've come to the conclusion that getting old aint for wimps. Up and down is a lot farther than they used to be. The old tale about getting shorter as we age is definitely wrong, my legs got a lot longer cause my feet seem a lot farther away putting on shoes and socks. POWDERMAN. 

[Oldshooter]

5.   If all is not lost, where is it?

I forgot what i was gonna say?    Sometimes I forget I forgot.
 
OH yea! I can only find things that I'm not looking for.

[ChungDoQuan]

That was good!

[oldandslow]

Good one.  And, unfortunately, all too true.

[guzzijohn]

My 99 year old mother has advanced Alzheimers. It is sad a in a lot of ways but in some ways she is happier than before Alzheimers. She will also say the funniest things. My wife stopped to have lunch with her a few days ago. After they were done my mother says:
"I am as full as a toad, quack, quack, quack." You just got to love her.
GuzziJohn

[blind ear]

My brain nor body any longer has a "run" button available. ear

[Conan The Librarian]

GuzziJohn:
 
My 95 year old MIL is about the same way. Generally pretty happy. Gets confused and grumpy sometimes. Has hallucinations and asks whose dog is over there or who that man is when there's no dog or man around. Bladder infections have this effect, they put a chemical into the body that causes the hallucinations.
 
My FIL is gone now, but he always said he'd never complain about old age as long as he could keep his mind. In his last few years he had a lot of problems that he could have complained about, but he never did complain. He knew he was still thinking clearly. Its things like that that rub off on me, serving as a model of honor for me to follow.

[AtlLaw]

Shoooot!  Bill posted that back in '02!     I know it's (unfortunately) true now, but back then I was still a young buck!   

[jhm]

     G B I like that.  jim

[Graybeard]

I felt a lot younger back then myself Richard. I've sure developed a lot of aches and pains in the days since I posted this back in '02.

[powderman]