Author Topic: Our world as I see it...  (Read 720 times)

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Offline SAWgunner

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Our world as I see it...
« on: March 11, 2005, 06:42:27 PM »
I have often been asked what it's like to (fill in the blank)...

Well...here we go.

I sit on a train day in and day out and i have to do alot of thinking.  I think about how the Army is still imprinted in my soul  I think about my brethren.  I think about what it means to me.


Let me tell you that have never served, it is something we can never explain.  We love our brethren that we served with(for better or worse) much like you love your mother.  Sometimes you disagree with her, sometimes you dislike her...but you love her unconditionally.  Many of us do not agree with what we did, but we still respect the people we were with.


Imagine driving down the road and constantly scanning your surroundings.  Imagine your mind telling you that there someone is going to slide around a tree and let lose some 7.62.  imagine walking through a mall and looking around for potential "enemy".  Picture in your head walking through a grocery store and looking people in the eyes to get the jump on them.

This is what goes through our minds.  You go to work in a cubicle, an come home and forget about it.  We don't.  Our job involves looking at human beings that you have just "lit up".    You are standing there, finger straight on the side of the trigger guard, you can smell the CLP burning on your barrel, looking at the results of a tiny projectile.

You are stationed on a hardship tour, and your buddies keep you thriving.  You know you have a year away from your family, but somehow, you enjoy spedning time with these men more than you do your family.  You love your family unconditionally, to the bottom of your heart, but this is something more.  Every time you look in these men's eyes, they understand...their eyes understand...your family doesn't.

I say all of this because I was speaking with a student in college about "my service" as he saw it.  This person has never lived the ultimate adrenaline rush, followed instantly by the supernatural feeling of aloness and depression that no druggie has ever experienced.  This person has never experienced this, but they are an expert on my decisions, training, feelings and life.

I don't know if I have cenveyed accurately "What it's like", but I tried.  Thanks, I needed to get that off my chest.


SAW
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"Birds of Prey" 743rd MI BN
Proud Freemason-Chugwater Lodge No. 23

Offline BamBams

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Our world as I see it...
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2005, 03:40:02 AM »
I did 13 years in the service, and it had a great deal to do with the type of person that I am today.  The experience ages us and gives us a depth of character that only those who have sacrificed so much can truly understand.  I believe that this is one of the reasons that veterans share so much mutual respect and understanding amongst themselves.  Outside of this BBS, I've never had a single person thank me for my service.  Never.  Aside from some meaningless decorations, I never got a thank you from the military either.  You may never either.  They decided that since I was getting out, there was no point in doing any extra paperwork on me. It doesn't matter.  We KNOW we didn't do these things to receive anyone's gratitude anyway.

Once I became a civilian, it took a loooooooong time for me to de-program my brain from military thinking and perspectives.  I've been out since 1991, and as recently as 2 years ago, I was informed by a girlfriend that it was OBVIOUS that I was a military man.  That relationship didn't last.

You're right, it's a world that only those who have been there could understand.  In the civilian life, this can make us feel very lonely at times.
I tried to stay in contact with my "bretheren" for years, just to have people in my life who could relate to that part of me, so I wouldn't feel so alone with my thoughts and memories.

I urge/suggest joining a good veterans group, rather than trying to suppress all those emotions.  You aren't alone, but sometimes it DOES feel that way.  We've got a lot of people around here who DO understand where you are at.  There is nothing finer than a bunch of good guys supporting eachother as they all tackle the same issues.

It's been so many years now, but I still, frequently, have dreams that I am back in the service.  Some are nitemares, and some are good ones.
Sometimes I wake up wishing I was back overseas doing those things again.  Sometimes I even get romantic about it all, and really get to missing people and places.

I expect that it will always be like this.  I have learned to accept it.  I carry my service with pride.  Not so much pride in my country, but a satisfaction about who I have become as a person.  Here's a BamBamism for ya:  "I'm not who I am because of what I have done.  I am who I am because of what this has done to me."  

I am "okay" with "me."  I did what I believed in at the time, and did plenty of extra too! I did it well.  That's all this man needs to know to be "okay."

A couple of weeks ago, the "unemployment office" called with a job in Bagdad for me.  I almost jumped out of my chair and ran down there.  For some strange reason (not the $90,000 a year) I felt that doing this job would somehow make me feel "whole" or "complete" again - like my life becoming a full circle.  I didn't even realize that I was thinking this way until many days later.  I turned it down.  I've moved on with my life now, and I've got kids right here who need a Daddy at home.  I am pleased with my choice.
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Offline SAWgunner

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« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2005, 04:51:28 AM »
Thanks BamBam.  I have my life under control and have dealt with everything very well, I just posted this for those that do not know.  After talking to that college kid, I put myself in his shoes (It wasn't hard as I am still attending school) and I did not get angry at him.  This post was to educate people of what it is like.


SAW
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"Birds of Prey" 743rd MI BN
Proud Freemason-Chugwater Lodge No. 23

Offline BamBams

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« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2005, 05:02:11 AM »
Quote from: SAWgunner
...dealt with everything very well...


And you're still dealing with it.  You always will be.  *smiles*

And from me to you, thank you for putting yourself on the line for us.
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Offline SAWgunner

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Our world as I see it...
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2005, 06:03:38 AM »
You are welcome, and thank you, brother.


SAW
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"Birds of Prey" 743rd MI BN
Proud Freemason-Chugwater Lodge No. 23

Offline Bigdog57

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« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2005, 05:03:55 AM »
Interesting views, and it ties in with something I experienced last week.
I did ten years in the service - four in the USAF and six in the USN.  Got out back in '86.
I just renewed my Driver's License Friday, and while getting the photo done, the lady asks me, "Military or Law Enforcement?"
I said, "Ex-military!"  Then I realized - I keep my hair short, and I was standing at parade rest!   :shock: She pegged me easily.
She said, "You aren't 'ex' til you're dead."  I'm betting she has some family members serving proudly!

Offline OR-E-GUN Hunter

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« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2005, 07:37:45 PM »
My boss this past Veteran's Day completely blew me away - he actually shook my hand and said 'Thank You'. :shock:

Just goes to show you that some of the civvies actually do appreciate those of us who have served.
When politics and negotiations fail, firepower and force prevail. :sniper:

Offline superhornet

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« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2005, 09:34:48 AM »
33 years military service.  Still wake up at 0400 hours. Go out the back door and screen the area for the "enemy".  All clear.  Go back in the house and fix up a batch of SOS  for breakfast.  Wash it down with three day old coffee just to remember what it was like before.    Still can set up a FO post and drop in the 81mm mortar.  Found out there was not to many billets in the civilian sector for my talents.  I understand all your posts--I have been there and done that.  Keep your powder dry and remember, there is a special place in heaven for all military members.