Author Topic: Pre-nuptial agreements (Read 1885 times)

superhornet · « **on:** October 21, 2005, 03:14:23 AM »

Have somewhat of a difficult decision facing me. Have been without a wife for a number of years..Am 66 years old, own a house, some land and a lot of firearms. Have met a young women (62) and we hit it off very well. I suspect I do not have many years left and wish to be able to protect my assets for my children as well as take care of the new wife if any thing should happen to me.....What is your experience, opinions and how do I go about discussing this with her, without making me look like a cold hearted person........thanks

ajj · « **Reply #1 on:** October 21, 2005, 03:41:04 AM »

Just be straightforward. Tell her you want your assets to go to your children but worry that she might find this impulse "cold." Of course, it isn't at all. It's what you want and a perfectly natural thing to want so it would be a big mistake to be vague about it. If she is offended, you've learned something important.

CEJ1895 · « **Reply #2 on:** October 21, 2005, 03:47:26 AM »

superhornet - First, congrat's on finding someone special! I agree with what ajj says, better to have it settled and in writing before you do anything further. Hopefully though you'll have many more years to enjoy them! CEJ...

Brett · « **Reply #3 on:** October 21, 2005, 03:54:25 AM »

Sit her down and have a heart to heart with her. As tactfully as possible be open and honest about your concerns and your feelings toward her. If she is as good a woman as you hope she is she will be understanding. Of course you may want to smooth the way a little by ensuring that she is in a happy state of mind before you have this discussion. Try treating her to dinner at a nice restaurant or take her to some other activity that she enjoys (a wine tasting, flower or craft show, walk in the park, whatever). Good luck.

Mikey · « **Reply #4 on:** October 21, 2005, 03:57:29 AM »

Superhornet - ajj is right about that, you need to be open and honest with your bride to be. But with that said, you may not need a pre-nuptual agreement to assure that your children receive those heirlooms you wish them ot have as well as provide for your wife after you have departed for the great hunting grounds in the sky. Your will should be able to handle all of those requirements without problem.

Talk to your attorney. The usual basis for pre-nups is so that in the case of a divorce one partner does not leave the other bereft of what he or she came into the marriage with (e.g. $, land, etc.).

In your will you can dictate who gets what from your estate. Your wife to be may not want all your guns, for example and may feel they should go to your children but, these are things you need to discuss with her.

I'm in the same boat. I am a widower who intends to marry a younger woman. I have no children to pass 'my interests' on to, except for my ACLU neice, who gets my AK-47 (lol) - truly and my other neice who gets my snubbie. Beyond that and some of my stuff to a younger brother and friends, my wife to be can do as she pleases with what is left of those things.

As for taking care of her when I'm gone - what I have will be hers (left to her in my will) and I hope it keeps her in good stead and comfortable for the rest of her days and possibly leave something for her children to remember. HTH. Mikey.

rockbilly · « **Reply #5 on:** October 21, 2005, 04:38:41 AM »

Congratulations and best wishes. It is very important for all concerned that you discuss this not only with the new bride to be, but also with your children, and attorney. Put it in writing, and ensure all parties have a copy of your wishes. This prevents fights, law suits and possibly murder at your death.

I am speaking from experience, my father-in-law was a widower for over 40 years when he met the "lady of his dreams." She may have been the lady of his dreams, but she was a nightmare for his kids. Upon his death she refused to do anything with the body, my wife and her brother and sister had to take care of all the arraignments. The lady of his dreams didn't even show up for the funeral. She refused to allow his children access to anything, especially some of the things left to them by their mother. Everything the old man owned she took, of course a large percentage of it went to her children. One of his biggest mistakes was selling his house and property and buying a new place with her, she got everything, even though a portion of the property belonged to the childrens mother.

What is funny, before he died, everyone though this was the perfect match, both of them got alone well with each other's children, They visited and spent time with children and grandkids. After he died, she pulled out her broom and turned into the biggest witch I ever met. When we were notified that the father-in-law had passed away we went to the house to see about her, she met us at the door, cussed us out and spit in my face. Prior to the death she met us at the door with a big hug and kiss. After the funeral I told her, "I forgive you for spitting in my face, but just remember, I will have the pleasure of urinating on your grave when you die."

Do what is right for your children before the marriage, you will rest better in the ever after for doing it. :roll:

Savage .250 · « **Reply #6 on:** October 21, 2005, 04:43:25 AM »

What ever you do ............do it before you tie the knot.

" The best part of the hunt is not the harvest but in the experience."

superhornet · « **Reply #7 on:** October 21, 2005, 05:26:12 AM »

Very good advice from all. Thank you. I am not sure in this state (FL) that a will is enough. I think that once married it all becomes joint community property, thats why I ask about the pre-nup. I will talk to the lawyer and move out all the firearms and reloading gear before the marriage, if it takes place. My son has a place down the road a ways. I do want it to work out, I just got tired of living alone. House has six bedrooms............

FWiedner · « **Reply #8 on:** October 21, 2005, 05:50:27 AM »

Not meaning to be rude, but you don't have to buy the cow to get the milk...

:-)

Brett · « **Reply #9 on:** October 21, 2005, 06:10:31 AM »

FW;

I think Superhornet wants companionship, not just milk and cookies. :wink:

And yes your comment was a little rude.

FWiedner · « **Reply #10 on:** October 21, 2005, 06:53:32 AM »

Quote from: Brett

FW;

I think Superhornet wants companionship, not just milk and cookies. :wink:

Same thing. People who want serious partners don't try to separate marbles into his and hers piles. JMO

And yes your comment was a little rude.

I didn't really ask. I simply stated the fact that it wasn't intended to be.

:-)

powderman · « **Reply #11 on:** October 21, 2005, 07:13:55 AM »

FWEIDNER. Leave it up to you to suggest a shack up. :eek: :eek: . POWDERMAN. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

ajj · « **Reply #12 on:** October 21, 2005, 08:19:36 AM »

The idea that there is something wrong with people in their sixties wanting a "serious partner" while simultaneously wanting their children to inherit their property is just silly.
I'm no expert on pre-nup agreements but I seem to vaguely remember that the key is to reveal absolutely eveything about what you own at the time the agreement is made, otherwise the agreement may be void. You want to talk to a lawyer with experience in this area.
Be open and honest, relax and enjoy your good fortune. You aren't suggesting anything inappropriate. All good wishes to you both.

FWiedner · « **Reply #13 on:** October 21, 2005, 08:46:33 AM »

Quote from: powderman

FWEIDNER. Leave it up to you to suggest a shack up. :eek: :eek: . POWDERMAN. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

I didn't suggest it, but we both know that it is done.

It's not like theres' a kid that's going to be borne without it's father's name or some such.

I think it's in everyone's best interests to give anything you have to give away before you die, especially where adult children are involved. No questions and fewer headaches.

When or if you finally pass, your bride will have what you leave her, not what the kids leave her after a big sh*t-fight.

:-)

superhornet · « **Reply #14 on:** October 21, 2005, 09:40:28 AM »

She lives in the Mid West. As you know I live in Florida. Kind of hard to get any milk from the cow. I paid for her to fly down over Christmas. Of course she will not be staying with me. Her daughter lives down here also and she will be staying two weeks with her. Will be kind of hard to get the milk under that circumstance also, since her daughter worked with me for many years. Would be kind of hard to look her in the eye when she says, "How are you and mom getting along". I am from the old school and at this point in life would rather have the "cow". That way the milk is always there when the "thirst" may arise. I do love her and think that things will work out and we will be happy together. But, I did not get where I am today by being ignorant of things that go bump in the night. I just want to protect her and myself. She is not bringing anything to the marriage but the cow.......

superhornet · « **Reply #15 on:** October 21, 2005, 09:47:45 AM »

FWiedner-------darn son you ruined by whole day....Did you mean we can't have children together at our age?? ho ho ho

dukkillr · « **Reply #16 on:** October 21, 2005, 09:51:31 AM »

Often the subject is addressed from a standpoint of your heirs. At this point in your life you may have an idea of who you would like to inherit your estate at the time of your demise. It isn't cold to suggest that you would like to make sure that your life's work pass onto those who would receive if you were to die today, unmarried. This situation is very common among those who remarry later in life.

powderman · « **Reply #17 on:** October 21, 2005, 09:55:30 AM »

SUPERHORNET. You sound like a man of morals and principals, pay no attention to Fweidner, who has few. :-D :-D . A couple at church married 2 years ago, they were childhood sweethearts, they are now 70 years old and happy as larks. If she is really the woman you believe she is, she will understand your concerns concerning your children. Go for it. I've been happily married for 25 years. POWDERMAN.

FWiedner · « **Reply #18 on:** October 21, 2005, 11:04:42 AM »

Quote from: powderman

SUPERHORNET. You sound like a man of morals and principals, pay no attention to Fweidner, who has few...

Now that 's just not true.

Well, it's not totally true...

Aww, shoot.

OK. It's true.

:oops:

Brett · « **Reply #19 on:** October 21, 2005, 04:59:01 PM »

I'ld be very leary about taking any marital advise from an individual who is uncertain about their own gender. :wink: :lol:

379 Peterbilt · « **Reply #20 on:** October 21, 2005, 06:01:30 PM »

Quote from: dukkillr

At this point in your life you may have an idea of who you would like to inherit your estate at the time of your demise. It isn't cold to suggest that you would like to make sure that your life's work pass onto those who would receive if you were to die today, unmarried.

dukillr makes a very good point. You worked your whole life to accumulate the wealth you have. Now, should that accumulated wealth be forwarded towards your actuall blood ( offspring ) or to a woman in 60's who is looking for financial security.

powderman · « **Reply #21 on:** October 22, 2005, 03:59:06 PM »

Quote from: Brett

I'ld be very leary about taking any marital advise from an individual who is uncertain about their own gender. :wink: :lol:

Good one. :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D . POWDERMAN.

379 Peterbilt · « **Reply #22 on:** October 22, 2005, 07:09:24 PM »

This very thread exemplifies how screwed up this kuntry has become.

When a man who has built up a lifelong savings of wealth all by himself, but is unsure as to what the ramifications are of loosing said gain when he says " I do " all because of the overwelming amount of laws covering marrage litigation .....well, Maybe the answer is dont get hooked.

You can thank the left/lawyers, and all the other folks who love your wealth and want their constituants to gain access to your pocketbook

Good luck, superhornet

It is very sad to see marrage come down to " who gets the money ", but like gun laws and everything else, this kuntry has melted down into a whats in it for me attitude.

Swamp Fox · « **Reply #23 on:** October 22, 2005, 09:00:46 PM »

You might talk to a lawyer about setting up a trust. These can take many forms but can leave you with controll of assets that you no longer "own"(as they will be owned by the trust) and passing controll to your kids when you die..

ironglow · « **Reply #24 on:** October 22, 2005, 09:17:19 PM »

One thing that has not been brought up is the possibility that the intended bride may have some property of her own; perhaps some that she and a first husband earned together..
Superhornet sounds to me like a man of character, and if the former husband had accumulated some property, surely Superhornet would want to see that go to the former husband's children..

After all, there is no guarantee that the new bride will outlast the groom..perhaps the pre-nup considerations can be more tactfully arranged by considering these points also..
His children would not necessarily be the losers in any inheritance settlement...could depend upon who goes first; and that's not always the man...
A pre-nup agreement could be proffered as a " mutual protection " arrangement for ALL their children..
In this way, superhornet could show that he is looking out for her children JUST AS MUCH as he is looking out for his own !!

Haywire Haywood · « **Reply #25 on:** October 24, 2005, 02:43:57 PM »

Or... you could do what my grandfather did. He had a pond and 15 acres across from his house that he wanted my father (eldest son) to have upon his death. He knew there would be endless debate over it so he titled it over to my father some 10 years before his death. The title was amended to say that he had unlimited use of the property as long as he lived. There was nothing to say upon his death 10 years later. It was history.

My initial thought was that if you have this much apprehension about what she may do after your death then maybe she isn't the one you should be marrying. You need one that is better at brainwashing than she is. :-D

Ian

williamlayton · « **Reply #26 on:** October 25, 2005, 01:38:13 AM »

I have stayed away from this because of the endless questions in my mind.
I do believe that a good attorney is absolutely essential. First, he is the onliest one that is competent to give you the proper legal advice that you have need of. The rest of us do not know the in's and out's of law.
This relationship needs to be built on trust and honesty. Only you can discern the honesty of the party you are intending to marry.
If you cannot have this kind of conversation with her over a kitchen table and a cup of coffee then I would have need to worry about your children.
If she cannot see the need of legally protecting the children, you may pass but she may be of no sound mental ability to not be controlled by another party who is out for grabbing all, I would have need of re-thinking the relationship.
Loneliness is tough but war is tougher--at any age.
Blessings

superhornet · « **Reply #27 on:** October 25, 2005, 02:13:53 AM »

Haywire Haywood-----there is no apprehension on what she may do if I happen to be terminated during our time of marriage before she is. The problem is as old as mankind......no man on this earth can predict what any woman may do with his property, etc. And please, don't any one tell me that your wife, girlfriend, etc. is different........when you are gone and she is still kicking, well off and independent, who knows what they will do...The consensus seems to be to lawyer up and I think that is a good idea.

dukkillr · « **Reply #28 on:** October 25, 2005, 06:37:37 AM »

Quote

I do believe that a good attorney is absolutely essential. First, he is the onliest one that is competent to give you the proper legal advice that you have need of. The rest of us do not know the in's and out's of law.

Maybe some of us are lawyers :wink:

williamlayton · « **Reply #29 on:** October 25, 2005, 05:33:45 PM »

Then identify yourself as such and offer your services.
Blessings